Of course! If there was anyplace that I could regain brownie points with God/Buddha/Allah/Opera it would be the vet! After all, if anyone needed beautiful, (albeit incredibly shallow) love, it was dead and/or dying animals!
I walked into the clinic and I was immediately greeted by an attractive woman.
"Hello. I'm Debbie. I work here." said the woman. I noticed she had neglected to hold out her hand for a handshake. Seizing the opportunity I grabbed her hand, pulled it towards my puckered lips and kissed the back of her dainty, pale hand.
"Bonjourno bella, how do you do?" I asked in my huskiest voice.
"Umm... I was just cleaning the anus of a constipated pit-bull. I haven't had a chance to wash my hands."
After vomiting profusely for a quarter of an hour, I managed to ask Debbie if I could volunteer at this shelter. Clearly still shaken from the sight of a grown man emptying the contents of his stomach for fifteen minutes, she hesitated before allowing me to assist the vet in a routine vaccination. Now visibly nauseous, she asked me to sit in the waiting room.
The waiting room smelled of an odd combination of urine, bird shit and leather. A door at the end of the hall opened and a woman, even more attractive than the now-in-the-fetal-position Debbie walked through. She smiled and gestured to me to follow her. I walked into the operation room and felt an immediate sensation telling me that I was doing something right. The vet introduced herself.
"My name is Emma. Today were just going to be doing a simple vaccination on this dog." I looked down that the semi conscious German Shepard and was quickly drawn to the sight of the canine's large, distinguished teeth. Emma asked me if I was still okay with doing this. I was about to say "No, I am not. You have an amazing rake by the way. See ya.", but the sudden image of the Japanese horse's head bouncing off the bonnet of my Rent-A-Car forced me to say, "Of course I'm okay with this doll face", giving her my Fonzie-est wink and thumbs up. I folded the fat flaps of the dog's neck and pulled them back so that Emma could administer the life saving shot of chemicals. She looked at me and asked,
"Would you like to do this?" Horrified at the prospect of anyone giving me a syringe of chemicals, I again nearly backed down. However, the image of a mangled horse pushed me foward. I plunged the syringe into the mammal's flabby neck and pushed the plunger to administer the dose. As I went to pull the syringe out, Emma, tried to assist and our hands touched. I felt a wave of passion wash over the two of us. As I looked up and stared into her eyes, I knew it was time to try out my newest pickup line; "I've been tested you know, everything down there is A-Okay." There was a long pause and I prepared to be kicked in the groin. Smiling, she then grabbed me and pulled me on the cold, steel, operating slab where we made sweet, sweet love next to a partially paralyzed dog.
"The things I've seen... Never again."
I left Emma in the Operating Room to recover from her sex coma. As I walked out if the vets clinic, I knew that my soul had now been washed clean from my escapades in Tokyo. Not only had I satisfied yet another female in the art of coitus, but I had also assisted in the giving of life saving elixir to a friendly puppy.
A week later, Emma called and informed me that said dog had died from an overdose of heart-worm vaccine.
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